Escape

Maybe it was to escape the overwhelming solitude that I created for myself, or maybe it was the sheer boredom... I wanted to watch people, be surrounded by them but at the same be separate. To judge them. Make a fool of myself. Feel like I'm somewhere above it all.

Everything was fancy. Some things I tried for the first time and felt like I came from the mountains. But I realized how indulgent the rich can be. I lurked at the lobby, usually at some couch in the corner. Saw people coming in and out of glass doors. Children playing, running around the pool. They wore happy faces. Everyone seemingly busy, excited, readying for something... For a wedding, a family reunion, parties... Maybe I wanted to be part of something similar - feel like you belong and that you're part of some big happening... Or maybe I shouldn't have been there 'cause it only made the feeling of isolation grow more. No. I guess I wanted that. The anonymity, the feeling of being a stranger, or a watcher... In the end, this whole shit never meant anything that's significant. Just me feeding my childishness.

I'm leaving this room in a few minutes.